New Jersey is a state built on the idea that you can be cool based solely on proximity to other cool people. In this case, the cool people are in New York and Philadelphia. Honestly, what other state is divided into halves based on where you live relative to the cool cities in cooler states?
Let’s face it; New Jersey’s most entertaining areas are the Jersey Shore and Atlantic City. The former is a hangout for degenerates from other states, and the latter is a casino on an island founded by would-be pirates.
With this in mind, it should come as no surprise that New Jersey would have plenty of areas where thrills aren’t in abundance, and this is owed primarily to the people living there
- Franklin Lakes
How we determined the most boring places to live in New Jersey
To figure out how boring a place is, we rely on a complex algorithm that factors in things we generally think make people exciting, and then we figure out which cities have the least number of those exciting people. Here are some of the things people tend to think of as making a city’s population boring:
- Population density
- Lots of Old People
- Lots of REALLY Old People
- Lots of Married People
- Lots of People With Young Children
Then, our algorithm generates several lists of the cities that have plenty of residents with high rankings in all of these categories. After a crunching of the numbers, a list of all of the cities magically appears listing them from most boring to most exciting.
Read on below to learn more about the cities with the most boring residents in New Jersey.
For this list, we used every Iowa city that qualified for our rankings based on having a population of at least 10,000 residents. This keeps us from prejudicing our rankings by including very small pockets of retired people.
This list is a scientific analysis based on real data and is completely unbiased.
1. Franklin Lakes
Population over 35: 61.73%
Homes with residents over 65: 45.56%
Married households: 68.15%
Average resident age: 45.7
Households with children: 37.62%
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. Just because “Real Housewives of New Jersey” was filmed in Franklin Lakes does not mean Franklin Lakes isn’t boring, and that’s why we have real data to set you straight.
With six different sets of criteria used to determine “boringness” and 140 municipalities in the running, Franklin Lakes finished in the top 20 in five different categories, and in the top 10 in three of them.
To summarize, no other place in New Jersey has as unique a combination of old, married households containing children and/or grandparents. When you add in the low population density, that just seals the deal.
Population over 35: 61.12%
Homes with residents over 65: 42.28%
Married households: 66.30%
Average resident age: 43.2
Households with children: 42.30%
The first time I typed “Robertsville, New Jersey” into Google, it said, “Are you sure you don’t mean Robbinsville, New Jersey?”. I haven’t been able to get Google to replicate this occurrence, but when a search engine assumes that people are looking for another place when they correctly type in the name of your town, you know you don’t live in a very exciting spot.
Robertsville JUST avoided the number one spot in our ranking of boring places, which is actually surprising given one simple fact: Robertsville is the only place on our list that finished in the top 25 in every category of boring.
So, if a Franklin Lakes resident wants to suggest that Robertsville should actually be considered the most boring place in New Jersey, it would truly be pretty tough to argue against.
Population over 35: 62.52%
Homes with residents over 65: 45.81%
Married households: 62.66%
Average resident age: 45.4
Households with children: 36.44%
The first official unfurling of an American flag happened in Martinsville in 1777, and since nothing exciting has ever happened in Martinsville since then, they celebrate the anniversary of the flag’s unveiling every year by reading the Declaration of Independence aloud. When these folks decide to being boring, they really commit to it.
Again, this is a case where Martinsville could also have been a legitimate contender for the number one spot. That’s because Martinsville is the only place on our list that finished in the top ten in FOUR different boring categories. This includes three different rankings for age along with one of the lowest population densities in the state.
Like I said, when some place decide to be boring, they go all in.
Population over 35: 61.18%
Homes with residents over 65: 40.08%
Married households: 65.94%
Average resident age: 43.4
Households with children: 37.15%
If you search for “Kinnelon” on Urban Dictionary, one of the definitions describes it as “a boring town where all anyone does is drugs.” I can tell you they got the “boring” part right, but I can’t in good conscience advise you to look at anything else on that page. Just trust me; that’s what it says.
I also can’t in good conscience advise you to do drugs, but when the place you live has the state’s third lowest population density and the 8th highest percentage of married people, I can respect the desire to spice things up a bit.
Population over 35: 65.42%
Homes with residents over 65: 51.12%
Married households: 58.76%
Average resident age: 47.3
Households with children: 35.12%
Paramus is really just one big shopping mall. You visit it to buy your weekend fashion accessories, and then you put your new clothes on and look for something to do someplace else.
You know I’m right; no one exciting actually lives in Paramus.
The main thing Paramus has working against it is its residents are old. Paramus is the third oldest place in New Jersey on average, and it has third highest percentage of homes with residents over 65.
In short, Paramus is old and old is boring. Therefore, Paramus is boring. My logic is undeniable.
Population over 35: 61.79%
Homes with residents over 65: 42.95%
Married households: 65.16%
Average resident age: 44.9
Households with children: 36.43%
Springdale is suburb of Cherry Hill, which is really a suburb of Philadelphia. Another way of putting that is Springdale is basically the most boring place in the most boring suburb of a pretty cool city, so it’s not like anyone is going out of their way to hang out in Springdale.
The numbers actually reflect this sentiment, because Springdale ranks in the top 20 in every category having to do with age, and also has the 9th highest percentage of married people in the state.
As the numbers show, this is where the old, married people go when they want to live close to Philadelphia, but they don’t want to deal with the young, single people. You have to respect that.
Population over 35: 59.78%
Homes with residents over 65: 41.42%
Married households: 61.22%
Average resident age: 42.9
Households with children: 42.08%
Hillsdale is in the northeastern part of New Jersey, more commonly considered to be the portion of New Jersey that attempts to sponge off the reputation and reflected greatness of New York City.
In this case, Hillsdale comes across as the North Jersey version of Springdale, except it’s not quite as old. Still, Hillsdale ranks in the top 25 in four different boring categories, including having the 16th highest percentage of married households.
I guess, not everyone is built to deal directly with the madness of New York City. At least they don’t have to cross the Hudson to get to any football games.
Population over 35: 59.37%
Homes with residents over 65: 37.73%
Married households: 66.10%
Average resident age: 42.8
Households with children: 48.80%
Tenafly is literally Dutch for “ten swamps,” and it was granted its name by Dutch immigrants who first came to the area. The idea of living in a swamp doesn’t exactly fill me with excitement. Come to think of it, neither does the thought of wooden shoes and windmills, so Tenafly has a few things working against it right off the bat.
Well, when you look at the numbers, things get worse for Tenafly, because it ranks 6th in the percentage of married households and 5th in the number of households with kids. Which means it probably ranks number one in percentage of boring Facebook posts of children getting sniffed by alpacas at the petting zoo.
For the record, your kids may be exciting to you, but they’re boring to everyone else. You want to post photos of them to your private Facebook album? Absolutely. You want to caption all of these photos and share them with 600 emojis of hearts and smiley faces that suck the soul out of my Facebook feed? Absolutely not.
Population over 35: 60.29%
Homes with residents over 65: 40.81%
Married households: 62.59%
Average resident age: 41.4
Households with children: 39.02%
When a place has a name like “Greentree,” you wouldn’t expect it to be very exciting. Someone literally could’ve named this place during a game of Mad Libs (e.g., “I need an adjective and a noun
Greentree is also home to the Garden State Discovery Museum, and they need to put some effort into discovering how to make the Greentree residents more exciting. As it stands, Greentree ranks in the top 30 statewide in four different categories.
As a side note, Greetree has also found itself in the most boring place on this list, because when you’re number nine, your boredom is nothing to be excited about, and the number ten city is usually thrilled that it narrowly made the cutoff for the list.
Population over 35: 58.49%
Homes with residents over 65: 39.13%
Married households: 59.55%
Average resident age: 41.7
Households with children: 40.52%
When Europeans first showed up in Ringwood, the resident native American tribe immediately retreated over the nearby mountains. I guess even back then, Ringwood was too boring to be worth fighting for.
Or, maybe they realized then what we know now, which is the fact that Ringwood isn’t fit to be populated. In fact, Ringwood’s only major reason for making this list, aside from being relatively boring in most categories, is the fact that Ringwood has the second lowest population density in all of New Jersey.
Another way of saying this is, if you’re bored in Ringwood, it’s even difficult to find someone to complain to.
Closing out the books on boring in New Jersey
In a state named after the most boring part of a house – the garden – it’s no surprise that we’ve found some epicly boring places. Fortunately, if you find yourself in one of these locales, you can do what New Jersey residents have been doing for decades
LEAVE. NYC and Philadelphia will welcome you with open arms.