These Are The 10 Trashiest Cities In Alabama

Do you know anyone whom you’d refer to as Trashy? Most likely. Either there’s someone at your job, in your neighborhood, or in your family that you’d throw that label on.

Essentially, Trashy is everywhere.

While calling someone Trashy might be a mean-spirited way of ridiculing or poking fun at a particular demographic, it can also serve as a way to express disdain about the way someone lives their life. It isn’t as derogatory as using other racial slurs, and in fact, the term has a bit of humor associated with it, making it the focus of pop culture.

Take for instance Jerry Springer, Honey Boo Boo, Kid Rock, Eminem, Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite and even Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon movies.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, trashy is defined as:

“A term used broadly to define a person or group of persons whom embody the concepts of ignorance, racism, violence, alcoholism, poverty, and anglo-saxon ancestry. Similarly used with the term ‘cracker,’ ‘hillbilly’ or ‘redneck’.”

So, using some data crunching, we should be able to measure where the most Trashy communities in the state of Alabama are actually located.

After pouring over data, watching too many fist fights and perusing illiterate Facebook comments, we’ve determined these are the most Trashy cities in Alabama:

1. Russellville (Photos)
2. Phenix City (Photos)
3. Alabaster (Photos)
4. Gadsden (Photos)
5. Haleyville
6. Decatur (Photos)
7. Dothan (Photos)
8. Albertville (Photos)
9. Jasper (Photos)
10. Cullman (Photos)

Time to take some meth and stay up all night with us as we go through the cities one by one. And before you say we’re some kind of reverse racist, you can also check out the most Ghetto city in Alabama.

For more reading, check out:

• 10 Best Places To Raise A Family In Alabama
• These Are The 10 Best Counties To Live In Alabama
• 10 Cheapest Places To Live In Alabama

How we determined the most trashy cities in Alabama?

Using publicly available government data, as well as Google Maps, we were able to collect the data on the following trashy metrics:

• Cities where there are lots of white people
• Cities where residents are poorer than average
• Cities where a high number of residents are high school dropouts
• High drug use
• Higher than average Payday Loan Outlets
• Violent cities (measured in aggravated assaults)
• Cities with a high number of residents on welfare

We used the government Census for most of the data. For drug use and violence, we used FBI data, and for Cash Advance Outlets, we used Google Maps.

Simple, right?
We limited the analysis to non-CDPs that have over 5,000 people.
Then, we ranked each place from 1 to 59 for each of the trashy criteria.

Next, then averaged all the ranks to create a “trashy index”.

In the end, Russellville ended up being the the most trashy city in the Heart Of Dixie.

1. Russellville

Population: 10,196
Estimated Trashy: 2,367
Estimated Meth Heads: 913
Payday Loan Outlets: 11

Cruise on down the strip, toss back a Busch Light, and suck down another Marlboro, Russellville, cause you’re the whitest trash of all in Alabama.

The 256 ranks in the top 10% for several categories, including the number of residents on welfare, the most amount of high school dropouts, as well as the number of aggravated assaults.

The meth problem is so bad here that they have created a ‘Meth Watch’. The people on meth watch the people on meth because they have nothing better to do with their day.

Don’t laugh, Carbon Hill. You weren’t too far out of the top 10 yourself.

2. Phenix City

Population: 32,936
Estimated Trashy: 4,999
Estimated meth heads: 1,965
Dollar Stores: 18

This trashy city in Lee and Russell Counties is located on the Alabama, Georgia line where the pillbillies and hillbillies hang. According to online forums, Phenix City (AKA Phenix Shitty) is filled with trailer parks, a large number of thieves, and a bunch of disgruntled “NASCAR” fans. Hey don’t shoot the messenger!

The P-town Hustlers rank in the top 5 for three separate trashy metrics, including a number of aggravated assaults, payday loan outlets, and dollar stores.

Here, they have their own set of trashy problems. According to online forums, the projects have better housing than the WT in this town, townies are selling drugs next to elementary schools, and doctors are just giving away prescriptions. So, if you live in Phenix City, there’s a good chance you know someone either makin’ it, sellin’ it, or smokin’ it.

#Huffin’AintEasyPeople

3. Alabaster

Population: 30,949
Estimated Trashy: 7,283
Estimated meth heads: 1,546
High school dropouts: 17%

Odds are, if you and your kid(s) moved in with someone after just two dates, than you might be from Alabaster, Alabama.

This city, in Shelby County, ranks fifth in the state for aggravated assaults (meaning drunken fist fights). And in pure trashy form, when it comes to fightin’ over who gets the last Busch Light, you better believe it will be handled bare knuckle to bare knuckle in your trailer’s front yard. Just watch out for the dirty diaper, the tub, and the broken down mower.

Here in Shelby County, it’s as if Tonya Harding and Eminem got together and had a baby.

4. Gadsden

Population: 36,949
Estimated Trashy: 7,283
Estimated meth heads: 1,546
High school dropouts: 17%

Located northeast of Birmingham off the 59 is Gadsden, Alabama. Here, a large number of people either work as aerosol and sudafed mixologists, or at one of the 14 Dollar Stores in the area. Shopping at the local dollar stores does not make you ‘country chic,’ G-town, it makes you trashy.

And a lot of your trash must be getting into fist fights when they run out of Busch Light, because you’re 3rd for aggravated assaults.

That’s right, in Etowah County, they fight over the lawn mower; they fight over what beer is better (Busch or Natural Light); they fight over who has more teeth; and of course, they fight over who has the best meth. They just have a real chip on their shoulders.

Simmer down, G-town. #NoShoesNoShirtNoTeethNoProblem

5. Haleyville

Population: 439,691
Estimated Trashy: 2,225
Estimated meth heads: 1,934
Assaults: 7th for small cities in AL

Nothin’ says trashy like a good ‘ol ass whoopin at a dollar store. You just might see that in Haleyville on the first of the month.

In fact, the 205 was home to the infamous trashy Dollar Store fight between the woman in the jammies and the other woman in the jammies. Maybe they should fight at one of their 16 dollar stores so they won’t feel like they have to dress up.

In Winston County, they ARE down with O.P.P. – other people’s pills. They are 15th in the state for drug use. And when they say they have their G.E.D., it means they “got every drug”

#BestPlaceToGetYourFixInThe205

6. Decatur

Population: 55,517
Estimated Trashy: 12,675
Estimated meth heads: 2,912
Dollar Stores 15

Decatur is located in northern Alabama.

According to online forums, the 256 has a major drug problem. Even the river rats are doing heroin, here. Trashy river rats? That should be a reality show for sure!

You know you’re from The River City if you’re hangin’ with your hick click and you send your best friend to get cigs and he calls 30 minutes later to tell you he got arrested with 5 oz. of meth after running the only stop light in town.

#YouAlmostFeltTheWindInYourMullet.

7. Dothan

Population: 65,517
Estimated Trashy: 12,675
Estimated meth heads: 2,912
Dollar Stores 20

Located in the very southeast corner of Alabama, where the lot lizards hang on the corner is Dothan, Alabama.

Is that Ricky Bobby’s kid? Fair question, D-town. Here they embrace the holy trinity of trashy glamour with drinkin’, fishin’, and NASCAR. But, don’t get your boxers in a bunch, we know the two things you don’t mess with in trashy land: racin’ and drinkin’. And if you live in the 334, there’s a good chance you ain’t racin’, you’re drinkin’.

Hey Houston County, if it’s 3 AM and you’re reading this while polishing off a case of Busch Light instead of changing your baby’s dirty diaper, you’re probably trashy.

8. Albertville

Population: 21,691
Estimated Trashy: 4,225
Estimated meth heads: 1,934
Assaults: 7th for small cities in AL

Albertville is located in the northeast corner of Alabama, in the middle of nowhere. This city in Marshall County comes in eighth on our list. This number, however, doesn’t reflect the high number of mullets (is it a mullet, a perm, or merm, A-town?), shag haircuts, bangs teased like it’s 1990, and the number of people who wear pajamas to one of your five Dollar Stores.

Here, if the trashy don’t have ‘Mountain Dew’ Mouth (AKA meth mouth) they’re not doing it right. If the Marshall County townies weren’t spending so much on meth, the dentists in this place would be making a fortune.

Hey Albertville, keep it classy and a whole lot trashyy, otherwise we won’t have anything to write about.

9. Jasper

Population: 14,913
Estimated Trashy: 1,265
Estimated meth heads: 964
Payday Loan Outlets: 15

Jasper ranks in the top 5 for three separate trashy metrics, including number of aggravated assaults, number of dollar stores, and number of payday loan outlets.

When it comes to defining proper trashy etiquette in this town, always remember the cardinal rule: You need to be careful what you say in Walker County because someone might come over and pop the wheels on your house. Or was it, you mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park? So confusing. That’s what happens when you try livin’ the J-town Way: 24 Busch Lights in a case, 24 hours in a day. Genius.

And if you’re a Walker County dead-beat dad named Rick who snorts Tylenol (because he can’t afford adderall), and you moved to Winter Haven with your sister’s best friend, you might be from Jasper.

#MauryWorthy

10. Cullman

Population: 16,904
Estimated Trashy: 5,204
Estimated Meth Heads: 1,997
Payday Loan Outlets: 15

Rounding out the list of the ten most trashy cities in Alabama brings us to Cullman. This is where the high class trashy live. You think you’re ‘all that’ with your 7 Dollar Stores and 5 payday loan outlets to wear your pajamas, swimsuits, and wife beaters to.

Located 50 miles north of Birmingham, this city is off the charts for the number of high class trashy townies. Pink Crocs, feathered mullets, beer guts galore: it’s a lifestyle here.

But for the residents of Cullman County, it’s just home sweet home. Where the Meth Heads roam. And the hillbillies and pillbillies play.

There You Have It

According to the official dictionary definition of Trashy, and based on stereotypes that the internet says are true, using science to determine the most Trashy cities in a state can’t be too far off.

If you’re analyzing cities in Alabama with lots of angry welfare recipients, meth users and where people have lots of options for payday cash loans, this is an accurate list.

If you’re curious enough, here are the least trashy places in Alabama:

1. Helena
2. Vestavia Hills
3. Mountain Brook

How about the 10 Most Trashy Cites in Texas if you want to read that one. Or, if you have friends next door in Mississippi, they might be interested in reading about the 10 Most Trashy Cities In Mississippi.
For more Alabama reading , check out:

• These Are The 10 Best Places To Live In Alabama According To Science
• These Are The 10 Worst Places To Live In Alabama
• A Hilarious Look At The 10 Most Redneck Cities In Alabama