These Are The 10 Trashiest Cities In Michigan

Do you know anyone whom you’d refer to as Trashy? Most likely. Either there’s someone at your job, in your neighborhood, or in your family that you’d throw that label on.

Essentially, Trashy is everywhere.

While calling someone Trashy might be a mean-spirited way of ridiculing or poking fun at a particular demographic, it can also serve as a way to express disdain about the way someone lives their life. It isn’t as derogatory as using other racial slurs, and in fact, the term has a bit of humor associated with it, making it the focus of pop culture.

Take for instance Jerry Springer, Honey Boo Boo, Kid Rock, Eminem, Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite and even Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon movies.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, trashy is defined as:

“A term used broadly to define a person or group of persons whom embody the concepts of ignorance, racism, violence, alcoholism, poverty, and anglo-saxon ancestry. Similarly used with the term ‘cracker,’ ‘hillbilly’ or ‘redneck’.”

So, using some data crunching, we should be able to measure where the most Trashy communities in the state of Michigan are actually located.

After pouring over data, watching too many fist fights and perusing illiterate Facebook comments, we’ve determined these are the most Trashy cities in Michigan:

1. Warren (Photos)
2. Jackson (Photos)
3. Taylor (Photos)
4. Bay City (Photos)
5. Owosso (Photos)
6. Adrian (Photos)
7. Coldwater (Photos)
8. Ishpeming (Photos)
9. Alpena (Photos)
10. Port Huron (Photos)

Time to take some meth and stay up all night with us as we go through the cities one by one. And before you say we’re some kind of reverse racist, you can also check out the most Ghetto city in Michigan.

For more reading, check out:

• These Are The 10 Best Counties To Live In Michigan
• 10 Cheapest Places To Live In Michigan
• These Are The 10 Best Places To Retire In Michigan For 2018

How we determined the most trashy cities in Michigan?

Using publicly available government data, as well as Google Maps, we were able to collect the data on the following trashy metrics:

• Cities where there are lots of white people
• Cities where residents are poorer than average
• Cities where a high number of residents are high school dropouts
• Cities with a high number of single parents
• High drug use
• Higher than average Payday Loan Outlets
• Violent cities (measured in aggravated assaults)
• Cities with a high number of residents on welfare

We used the government Census for most of the data. For drug use and violence, we used FBI data, and for Cash Advance Outlets, we used Google Maps.

Simple, right?
We limited the analysis to non-CDPs that have over 5,000 people.
Then, we ranked each place from 1 to 123 for each of the trashy criteria.

Next, then averaged all the ranks to create a “trashy index”.

In the end, Warren ended up being the the most trashy city in the Wolverine State.

1. Warren

Population: 134,196
Estimated Trashy: 24,367
Estimated Meth Heads: 7,513
Welfare population: 20%
Payday Loan Outlets: 8

Toss back a Budweiser, suck down another Camel, Warren, cause you’re the whitest trash of all in Michigan.

The 586 ranks in the top 10% for several categories, including the number of residents on welfare, the most amount of high school dropouts, as well as a high methadone clinics per capita.

The meth problem is so bad here that they have created a ‘Meth Watch’. The people on meth watch the people on meth because they have nothing better to do with their day.

Don’t laugh, Troy. You weren’t too far out of the top 10 yourself.

2. Jackson

Population: 33,436
Estimated Trashy: 8,999
Estimated meth heads: 1,365
Welfare population: 22%

According to online forums, J-Town is filled with slums and disgruntled meth head Lions’ fans. Hey don’t shoot the messenger!

The Jacktown Hustlers rank in the top 5 for three separate trashy metrics, including a number of aggravated assaults, and for poor, white single mothers on welfare.

Here they have their own set of trashy problems. According to online forums, they truly do whatever they want in this town. If you live here, there’s a good chance you’re makin’ meth. Meth-related arrests are on the rise in this ‘little piece of heaven’ in the 517. Huffin’ ain’t easy people.

3. Taylor

Population: 63,949
Estimated Trashy: 15,283
Estimated meth heads: 2,946
High school dropouts: 17%

T-town is located just off the 94 downriver from Detroit.

According to online forums, Taylor has a major drug problem. Even the river rats are doing heroin, here. Trashy river rats? That should be a reality show for sure!

You know you’re from Wayne County if you’re hangin’ at one of your 15 bowling alleys and you send your best friend to the party store to get cigs and he calls 30 minutes later to tell you he’s going to be a little late cuz he got his mullet caught in the fan blade of his ‘79 Camaro.

#YouAlmostFeltTheWindInYourMullet

Tomorrow is another day, Taylor.

4. Bay City

Population: 34,415
Estimated Trashy: 7,979
Estimated meth heads: 1,213
Payday Loan Outlets: 6
Assaults ranking: 5th in MI

Chances are, if you and your kid(s) moved in with someone after just two dates, than you might be from Bay City. (A.k.A. Bay Shitty)

This city ranks fifth in the state for aggravated assaults (meaning drunken fist fights). And in pure trashy form, when it comes to fightin’ over that week’s favorite meth head, you better believe it will be handled bare knuckle to bare knuckle in your trailer’s front yard. Just please, please, watch out for the car on cinder blocks, and the crapper, and the broken down mower.

And if you ever get your mower fixed, make sure you ride on downtown for your next Trashy bar crawl. They have great specials on Busch Light.

5. Owosso

Population: 15,691
Estimated Trashy: 3,225
Estimated meth heads: 934
Assaults: 7th for small cities in MI
Payday Loan Outlets: 3

Owosso is located off the 96 just northeast of Lansing.

O-town ranks in the top 5 for three separate trashy metrics, including number of aggravated assaults and for poor, white single mothers on welfare.

When it comes to defining proper trashy etiquette in this town, always remember the cardinal rule: You need to be careful what you say in 989 because someone might come over and pop the wheels on your house. Or was it, you mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park? So confusing. That’s what happens when you try livin’ the O-town Way: 24 beer cans, 24 hours in a day. Genius.

And if you’re a Shi-County dead-beat dad named Rick who snorts Tylenol (because he can’t afford adderall), and you moved to Flint with your sister’s best friend, you might be from Owosso.

6. Coldwater

Population: 10,699
Estimated Trashy: 2,265
Estimated meth heads: 864
Welfare population: 25%

Located off the 69 just North of Indiana is Coldwater, Michigan. Here there a large number of people who live on disability, or work at one of the Dollar Stores in the area. Just because you shop at the local dollar stores does not make you ‘country chic,’ C-town, it makes you trashy.

And a lot of your trash must be getting into fist fights at your local dollar store when it’s 50% off day, because you are 3rd for aggravated assaults.

That’s right, in Branch County, they fight over the lawn mower; they fight over what beer is better (Busch or Natural Light); they fight over who has more teeth; and of course, they fight over where the best meth is made. They just have a real chip on their shoulders.

Simmer down, C-town. #NoShoesNoShirtNoTeethNoProblem

7. Adrian

Population: 21,517
Estimated Trashy: 5,675
Estimated meth heads: 1,312
Deadbeat dads: 7%

Located in the southeast corner of Michigan is Adrian.

This cowtown is definitely one of the “whitest cities” on our list. The number of drug-related crimes and aggravated assaults, combined with the high number of poor dropouts, makes this trashy central for Lenawee County.

Is that Ricky Bobby’s kid? Fair question, A-town. They have the most black and white checkered flags with 7 tracks close by. But, don’t get your boxers in a bunch, we know the three things you don’t mess with in trashy land: racin’, drinkin’, and makin’ meth. And if you live in the 517, there’s a good chance you ain’t racin’, you’re makin’ meth.

Hey Lenawee County, stay classy and keep it trashyy. Otherwise we won’t have anything to write about.

8. Ishpeming

Population: 6,537
Estimated Trashy: 1,345
Estimated meth heads: 775
Drug use: 15th in MI

Ishpeming is located in the middle of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. And, this UP city comes in eighth on our list. This number, however, doesn’t reflect the high number of mullets (is it a mullet, a perm, or merm, Ishpeming?), shag haircuts, bangs teased out like it’s 1990, and the number of people who wear pajamas to the local Dollar Store.

Here, if these Yoopers don’t have ‘Mountain Dew’ Mouth (AKA meth mouth) they’re not doing it right. The townies have more tattoos than teeth. If the Marquette County peeps weren’t spending so much on meth, the dentists in this place would be making a fortune.

And word on the street, they are down with O.P.P. – other people’s pills. They are 15th in the state for drug use.

#BestPlaceToGetYourFixInThe906

9. Alpena

Population: 11,437
Estimated Trashy: 2,444
Estimated meth heads: 954
Drug use: 9th in MI

Nothin’ says trashy like a good ‘ol ass whoopin at a Walmart. You just might see that in Alpena on the first of the month.

In fact, the 989 was home to the infamous trashy Walmart fight between the woman in the jammies and the other woman in the jammies. Maybe they should fight at their local dollar store so they won’t feel like they have to dress up.

In A-town, when they say they have their G.E.D. it means they “got every drug”. They have more pill mills than pastie shops. Who needs to eat when you’re poppin’ pills. Smoke the weed, townies. Get the munchies.

#SaveThePastie

10. Port Huron

Population: 30,904
Estimated Trashy: 6,204
Estimated Meth Heads: 1,497
Welfare population: 17%

Rounding out the list of the ten most trashy cities in Michigan brings us to Port Huron. This is where the high class trashy live. You think you’re ‘all that’ with 9 Dollar Stores, 4 Bowling Alleys, and a Walmart SuperCenter to wear your pajamas, swimsuits, and wife beaters to.

Obviously, P-Town, is home to the high class trashy. It‘s a lifestyle, here. It’s not everyday you become the home of the ‘Meth-Sandwich’ and the ‘Black Tar Heroin.’ So fancy.

With all the meth smoke, cig smoke, heroin fumes, and pill mill pollution, St. Clair County might single-handedly be responsible for global warming.

Is that heroin, meth, or snow in the 810? Fair question P-town. St Clair County could use a hug.

#HugsNotDrugs

There You Have It

According to the official dictionary definition of Trashy, and based on stereotypes that the internet says are true, using science to determine the most Trashy cities in a state can’t be too far off.

If you’re analyzing cities in Michigan with lots of angry welfare recipients, an strange number of bowling alleys, consistent drug busts, and where people have lots of options for payday cash loans, this is an accurate list.

If you’re curious enough, here are the least trashy places in Michigan:

1. Beverly Hills
2. Rochester Hills
3. Huntington Woods

For more Michigan reading , check out:

• It’s Michigan’s Birthday. This Is An Amazing Tribute To The Wolverine State.
• These Are The 10 Most Affordable Places In Michigan
• These Are The 10 Happiest Cities In Michigan