The 10 Drunkest Cities In Missouri For 2024

We used Saturday Night Science to determine the drunkest cities in Missouri.

Missouri is known as the “Show Me State.” Let that sink in for a moment. I mean, really, of all the states’ mottos, doesn’t this one just scream “drunk”?

It’s fitting, really, when you look at the state’s track record of complete drunken ridiculousness. Even CBS reported Missouri as one of the US’s drunkest states–and that’s real news. But which of the slurry state’s cities are the drunkest of them all? That honor goes to these 10:

Now before you throw that empty beer can at the monitor, just know, we didn’t come up with this list in a drunken stupor. In fact, we didn’t really come up with it at all.

For more reading on Missouri, check out:

How We Determined the Drunkest Places in Missouri

Like we said, this list had nothing to do with our own opinions about these places; we relied solely on the magic of math to come up with this order.

First, we made a list of all of the places in Missouri with populations of 5,000 people or more. Then, we looked at each of these 142 places in terms of these boozy criteria:

  • Number of bars and pubs per capita
  • Number of wineries per capita
  • Number of liquor stores per capita
  • Each city’s drunk-related Tweets within the past week
  • Each city’s divorce rate

Okay, so the divorce rate thing may be a little more serious than the rest of our criteria, but seriously, it’s a huge factor in the demise in many a relationship in this country. Plus, we needed another criterion.

Once we gathered up our information, we ranked each place with scores from one to 142 in each category. We then averaged each place’s ranking into one overall score, where the lowest scores went to our 10 drunkest places.

If you’re still sober enough to read on, please do so. Otherwise, you can check out a more complete list at the bottom of the post. First up to the plate, Branson, the drunkest place in Missouri. And that’s saying a lot.

1. Branson

Branson, MO

Source: Wikipedia User KTrimble | GFDL

Population: 10,463
Divorce rate: 18.24%
Bars per capita: 9th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 2nd most per capita

Here’s a fun exercise. Just type in “Branson Missouri Drunk” in Twitter and count up all of the ridiculous Tweets from the past month or so, let alone the past week. My personal favorite: “Last night @____ were drunk on tequila and riding super charged lawn mowers down the streets of Branson Missouri with Anne Hathaway.”

Well, hell, that sounds like fun! But on a less fun note–let’s take a look at Branson’s divorce rate. It’s the 8th highest in the state. Now, we’re not saying that this necessarily has anything to do with one of the highest number of liquor stores per capita. But you’ve got to wonder: drunk-riding lawn mowers in the middle of the night, probably isn’t helping your marriage either.

2. Valley Park

Valley Park, MO

Source: Wikipedia User JDMcGreg | CC BY-SA 3.0

Population: 6,938
Divorce rate: 14.55%
Bars per capita: 14th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 5th most per capita

Many a memory was made getting drunk in Valley Park. This place seems to be the perfect spot to wander around dunk and aimless, as the city isn’t all that big, and honestly, there’s not a whole lot to do.

In the past week, this small city did manage to have a handful of Tweets concerning drinking, beer, booze, being drunk, and one that simply said, “DRUNK,” around three in the morning. But this one has got to be the best:

“#tbt to when my brother was drunk and tried to convince me that the landfill in valley park is the highest point in Missouri.”

Sounds like a lovely place, right?

3. St. Louis

Population: 318,527
Divorce rate: 12.01%
Bars per capita: THE most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 3rd most per capita

Oh St. Louis, you are DRUNK. Let us count the ways

First of all, this city has the most bars per capita in the state–and we’re betting, the most per capita in many states. The liquor stores per cap aren’t far behind, but luckily, the divorce rate is actually pretty low compared to most places in the state.

Well, as long as you’re both drunk all the time, we can see why it works.

St. Louis had a staggering number of tweets over the past week mentioning in one way or another how drunk residents are, including one about a very notable resident: The river.

“Dear Missouri River, you’ve wandered across the interstate three times since St. Louis. You are clearly drunk.”

4. Bonne Terre

Bonne Terre, MO

Source: Wikipedia User Jon Roanhaus | CC BY-SA 4.0

Population: 6,853
Divorce rate: 18.91%
Bars per capita: 31st most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 12th most per capita

When your hometown’s biggest attraction is an old mine site, well, we can see why you drink. And drink you do! There are three liquor stores in Bonne Terre–which doesn’t sound like a lot, we know. But when you consider that the population is under 7,000 people, which is like the size of two high schools, three is more than enough.

Not exactly good news for a happy marriage, it seems. The divorce rate in Bonne Terre is the 5th highest in the state. Maybe people are just looking for something to do? “Hey let’s divorce today. That sounds fun.”

5. Nevada

Nevada, MO

Source: Wikipedia User | CC-BY-SA-3.0

Population: 8,073
Divorce rate: 15.22%
Bars per capita: 20th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 19th most per capita

Holy Legal Problems, Batman! Look through the Tweets this past week from Nevada, Missouri, and we can totally see why you guys drink. In fact, you should probably be drinking more. Your hometown is scary as hell! Every other Tweet was about a new arrest, parole being broken, and a fugitive on the loose?

If that’s not enough to send you to the liquor store, we don’t know what is.

6. Kansas City

Kansas City, MO

Source: Wikipedia User | CC-BY-SA-3.0

Population: 459,772
Divorce rate: 13.05%
Bars per capita: 11th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 23rd most per capita

Having the 23rd most liquor stores per capita may not seem like a lot, but do bear in mind, we looked at over 140 Missouri places. Plus, Kansas City more than makes up for this slightly less impressive ranking with its high number of bars per capita.

Of course, what can you expect? This city is home to University of Missouri,, and it was the birthplace of Ernest Hemingway. He was a brilliant writer, but also loved his drink.

KCMO also has a bustling Irish population, to boot. And we don’t even need to explain that one.

Among the 12 DRUNK TWEETS just in this past week, this was one of the best: “Woke up. No pants. Noon. Just another Sunday in Kansas City MO.”

7. Joplin

Joplin, MO

Source: Wikipedia User | CC BY-SA 3.0

Population: 49,924
Divorce rate: 14.95%
Bars per capita: 13th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 4th most per capita

Joplin, Missouri has at least one thing going for it: it didn’t have nearly as many drunk Tweets as some of the places on our list.

Anyway, that was about it for the non-drinking team of Joplin. This city has more liquor stores per capita than about 140 places in the state and more bars than most other places, per person.

8. Poplar Bluff

Poplar Bluff, MO

Source: Wikipedia User Michael Gbler | CC BY-SA 3.0

Population: 17,110
Divorce rate: 19.33%
Bars per capita: 24th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 15th most per capita

Ah, The Gateway to the Ozarks. The Bluff. PB. The most volatile city for marriage ever. What, you guys haven’t adopted that nickname yet? You might want to think about it. After all, Poplar Bluff has the third highest divorce rate in Missouri.

The highest, if you want to know, went to residents in Pevely.

The high divorce rate, plus the high number of drunk tweets in the past week really put Poplar Bluff amongst the winners.

9. Springfield

Springfield, MO

Source: Public domain

Population: 160,246
Divorce rate: 14.73%
Bars per capita: 6th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 25th most per capita

Who knew the Queen of the Ozarks was such a lush? You, probably, if you live in Springfield. After all, you’re simply surrounded by bars, and likely the drunk people stumbling down the streets whose tweets we were perusing before making this list. There were 19 this past week alone.

Here’s a good one: “I am with beer, therefore I am happy.” It’s as though a Buddhist monk got drunk and grabbed hold of someone’s Twitter account.


10. Maplewood

Maplewood, MO

Source: Wikipedia User Chris Yunker | CC BY-SA 2.0

Population: 8,081
Divorce rate: 14.27%
Bars per capita: 15th most per capita
Liquor stores per capita: 9th most per capita

Last, but certainly not least drunk, we have Maplewood.

Maplewood may seem like your run-of-the-mill charming small town, and. well, it kind of is. And what do people do in run-of-the-mill, charming small towns? Well, in Missouri, it looks like they drink. After all, there are more bars, pubs, and liquor stores here per capita than there are groceries.

And while the divorce rate isn’t exactly the highest on our list, it sure as chickens isn’t the lowest, either. It ranked 42nd here.

If You’re Still Able To Read This
. Then you probably don’t live in one of our top 10 places. Those guys passed out twenty minutes ago.

Congratulations to all of our winners on this list! And for those of you who didn’t make the cut, well, congratulations to you, too. Your livers win.

If you’re curious, here are the the least drunk – or most sober if you will – places in Missouri.

  1. Town And Country
  2. Oakville
  3. Shrewsbury
  4. Glendale
  5. Fort Leonard Wood

Fun fact! The lowest divorce rate in the state is just 1.75 percent is in Fort Leonard Wood. Also, no coincidence, one of the least drunk places in MO. Good job guys!

For more reading on Missouri, check out:

About Nick Johnson

Nick Johnson earned his masters in Business Administration from the Drucker School At Claremont Graduate University. He has written for 39 publications across the country and ran the media relations department at Movoto, a real estate portal based in San Francisco. He has been featured in over 500 publications as an expert in real estate and as an authority on real estate trends.

Nick's the creator of the HomeSnacks YouTube channel that now has over 260,000 subscribers and is an excellent source to learn about different parts of the country.

3 thoughts on “The 10 Drunkest Cities In Missouri For 2024

  1. Really? What a slur to the state of Missouri! Seriously? This is about the dumbest and most ignorant story anyone on this planet has ever written!!!! You really need to get a life!!!

  2. Interesting way to waste some time. Let a sarcastic and apparently drink fixated woman write the article about drinking in Missouri.

    The state motto “The Show Me State” was chosen because the majority of people here (and elsewhere) when told about something strange/interesting will say, “Show me!” (It really doesn’t take more than average intelligence to understand that, but apparently this “author” lost too many brain cells to alcohol for her to understand… Of course, another explanation would be she just had too much difficulty getting her head out of her gl”ass” long enough to make sense of the state’s motto.)

    I am forced to wonder if she came by her “facts” while making her nightly rounds of the local bars. (There is a name for a person with her “talents”. I could be crude here, but “ignorant” will work almost as well.)

    I do like the way the “author” counted a United States Military Base as a city and claimed it had the least amount of drunks in Missouri. Apparently, it escaped the seemingly inebriated “author’s” attention that the one liquor store on the base is closely monitored by the Military Police. The Class Six Liquor Store is the ONLY place within a thirty minute drive where military personnel can purchase alcohol.

    The base is also home to the United States Military Police Regiments. This “author” would have had a great story if the Military Police had a drinking problem hiding within their ranks!

    Better luck on your next frivolous “writing” assignment, Darlin’!

  3. Kansas City is not home to the University of Missouri. That would be Columbia. Easy fact checking would have caught that. UMKC calls Kansas City home.

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